Monday, February 7, 2011

Shattered Glass, Like Tears

I must say, today has been very interesting. Some of it good, some of it not, but all interesting.
It started out like a normal day off of work, kind of boring, but while my parents were at the store, and I was in the bathroom, I suddenly heard the sound of glass shattering and falling to the floor. There had been nothing before that- no house shaking, no extremely loud noises, no major temperature changes, nothing projectiled toward the glass...nothing! It just shattered! And shattered all over my decorations on the shelves below it, not to mention on my coat and some of my clothes. I spent a good part of the morning picking up glass. My mom and I consider it a mystery, what in the world made it break. And it really did shatter and explode, too. You can tell by the pieces of glass. They have that webbed look within most of the pieces...and those pieces were the thick part of the bottom of the glass. Definitely not a case of falling and breaking.
It was almost like the Doctor had come in and held his Sonic Screwdriver to the glass, a la Torchwood glass door illustration. :-P
At least the incident has forced me to finally vaccuum my room, like I've been meaning to get around to for months, now. And I'm saving the glass in a bag, for now. I plan on dumping it all into a glass bowl and taking some cool photos. ;-)

The worst part of the day was one of those times where I just let things get to me, and make me a bit depressed. Having delt with depression in the past, I'm careful not to let myself fall into those lies that try to trap me back into those mindsets, but every now and then I have a moment of weakness. This is when I need to make sure I keep my focus on God's love and grace, and not look at the world around me. But I did look at the world around me, today. I felt ignored and left out and let down by my friends. I would say things, and no one would respond. I put my self worth for the day into the hands of my friends, just like I used to do when I was a teenager, when I dealt with the worst of the depression. But I know that's not where my worth lies, no matter how my friends interact with me or don't interact with me, my worth is in Christ. He's always listening to me, and tells me what He thinks. I'm know that I'm the most important thing in the world to Him, and His love covers me, always. It will never end, and nothing can change how big that love is. Nothing can seperate that love from me. It's important to have earthly friends, of course. They help keep you strong, and show you a part of that love via their love, but His love is the biggest and most important. He proved that love 2,000 years ago, and he continues to prove it every day. I am His beloved, and He is mine. This is what makes me happy. The very love that comes from His never ending, never failing grace. This is what keeps me from fear and depression and all those things of the past that He has removed from my life. This is what has brought my freedom from such bondage- a freedom that allows me to dance and sing and write and worship Him without the fear of what others may think or of what I may have done or not done in the past. His grace covers everything, and I rest in it. My resting in it keeps me strong, and keeps me on the right path of my life, not letting me go back to how I was. His love is overwhealming, and this makes me smile. :-)

The song I have stuck in my head right now:
"Kindle" by Between Thieves

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